Gwobrau Roc a Phop BBC Radio Cymru 2002
A bit of a break with ‘tradition’ today, as there’s no way I can manage all this in Welsh - it would probably take me the best part of the next month. It’s 9pm Monday as I start to write this, listening to the Noson Wobrwyo RAP on Radio Cymru, recorded on Saturday night at Barcud studios in Caernarfon.

Have to admit, I’ve never actually been to an awards ceremony before so wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, but certainly wasn’t expecting the heating to be set to ‘arctic’. The set up was pretty much predictable though - stage, floor area with tables, gallery with punters, people with cameras everywhere, free alcohol and lots of pissed bands.

Alcatraz started the night with a set that seemed to go on forever. I have to admit I’ve never been fan of whinge-rock, and although Alcatraz do have a couple of really good songs, they chose not to play them tonight. Pity.

First award to be presented was for Best Composer. Bizarrely the only actual person to be nominated was Gai Toms (Anweledig, Mim Twm Llai). The other nominees were Maharishi (what?) and the Super Furry Animals. I’m not sure how a band can be a composer, but that didn’t matter cos Gai won. Well deserved - the man’s a damn genius anyway.

Best Live band was a toughie - Anweledig, Estella and Pep le Pew were nominated. Estella fall into the same whinge-rock niche that Alcatraz inhabit, but at least have a bit more verve. Ceri C’s a great performer and Anweledig have a fantastic onstage presence that is hard to beat. But it was the Pep boys that took the award, which was a heart-warming moment. Last year they were blagging their way into events like this, and they’ve worked their arses off over the last year so they damn well deserved to win. Besides, they’re fucking ace live.

Best Sesiwn Gang Bangor. Radio Cymru’s only just become available on Sky, so I had absolutely no idea who might win this. Nominees were Alcatraz, Spoonidols and Llwybr Llaethog, and the whinge-rockers won.

Next was best live event. Gwyl Cefni, Miri Madog or Sesiwn Fawr Dolgellau. A tent from the Sesiwn Fawr Dolgellau collected the prize. I think. I can’t rightly remember that bit too clearly.

Set by the afore-mentioned Llwybr Llaethog came next. In case you don’t know anything about this band, they’re basically a couple of blokes, I think from Cardiff, who have been doing sort of weird dance shit since the 80s. I gather they were once ground-breaking, but now they’re just dull. Oops. I don’t think I should say that cos everyone seems to love them. But really, they’re shit, they wear lab coats, and they scare me. I wonder if I should be expecting a horses head to turn up in my bed any time soon…

Best Producer of the Year - Dylan Mei, Geraint Jones, or Gorwel Owen. Despite Dyl (from Pep le Pew) being relatively new on the scene and up against the venerable Gorwel Owen, he walked off with this one too. Bargain!

Best Male Artist was to my mind a close fight between Ceri C (Anweledig) and Gruff Meredith (MC Mabon). Sadly, some bloke called Hayden Holden actually won. Who? Gruff babes, you was robbed.

Best Female Artist. Andrea Parker (Melys), Cate Timothy (Alcatraz) or Taliah. Ms Taliah won, even though no one that I spoke to had ever heard of her. Seems that the last two categories were judged by the Planed Plant team or somesuch.

Next up, a category with a really long name, something like Group wot did lots of stuff and made most progress during 2001. Bysedd Melys, Paccino or Pep le Pew. Hmm, I wonder. Really tough one that… poor old Bysedd Melys and Paccino didn’t stand a snowflake’s hope in hell, frankly. Roars of appreciation for the PLP bois now starting to get out of hand. Red wine starting to run out. White wine long gone.

Gwacamoli. Er, ok, and they’re playing a set why exactly? No offence like, lads, but get some proper songs please before you inflict your insipid attempts at music on us. I mean, ‘crys-t cwl’. What the fuck kind of lyric is that? And get your singer a bucket to carry his tunes in. Oh, and whichever one of you does BVs, please don’t. You can’t.

The next award was for ‘lifetime achievement’, and went to Rhys Mwyn. Not entirely convinced that the majority of the crowd present actually agreed with that. The amount of booing would have impressed even the most cynical pantomime cast. It’s probably a good job, then, that Mwyn wasn’t there in person, but I’m surprised that his Eyebrows didn’t come to get the award on his behalf. Instead, a little video message. How Brits.

Back to the real awards then.

Best album. Gweld y Llun (Anweledig), Chouchen (Deud Dim) or Yeti (Zabrinski). I have it on good authority that Yeti’s fantastic; I’ve never heard of Deud Dim let alone hear Chouchen; so it was only right and proper that Anweledig win this one. Gweld y Llun is, after all, one of the best albums of the last few years.

Pity about the security guards who tried to haul Ceri C offstage whilst he was trying to collect his award along with the rest of Anweledig. They seemed to be a little offended at his generosity in sharing his bottle of wine with the front few tables. White wine just doesn’t spray as well as champers, does it though?

Best EP/Single. Low Alpine (Anweledig), Y Mwyafrif (Pep le Pew), Y Meistri (Tystion). Well… I think even Anweledig would admit that Low Alpine didn’t really turn out as good as it could have. Y Meistri, well, can’t comment on Tystion’s offering, having only just recently been Radio Cymru-ised. But again, no real contest. A clean sweep for the johnny-come-lately Pep lads - taking every award they were nominated for. And well deserved I reckon.

Best Band. Now, try not to laugh when you see Gwacamoli pop up in the list of nominees here. But, the nominees were… Anweledig, Estella and *snicker* Gwacamoli .

I told you not to laugh.

Anweledig won. "Relax! Enjoy life!" as Ceri repeatedly advised us. Certainly will Ceri bach, thanks for the tip.

Finally, a closing set by Pep le Pew, who were by now both a) thoroughly hammered (Ed seemed to have big gaps in his memory the day after) and b) at the mercy of a wine-slick stage (cheers to Ceri C). Still, fucking great, as usual. You just can’t beat a good boogie to PLP.

Listening to it all now on Radio Cymru, courtesy Sky channel 904, is really weird. It sounds all very civilised and smooth-running, but it wasn’t. The whole evening started off with the presenters having only a tenuous grip on the proceedings, and the whole thing descended into raucous chaos relatively quickly. Nevertheless, it was the most fun I’ve had since the steddfod last year, probably because it was the same bunch of people. In fact, as Debs pointed out, the RAP awards have very much the same kind of feel as the steddfod, just they’re inside and marginally drier.